Millions of years ago man traveled from place to place via four large, rubber wheels which sprouted from either side of his ankles at around the age of 10. Since then we have, of course, evolved the slower and more boring method of transit we now know as “feet”. YAAAWWWWNNN. It is because of this natural evolution that we, to this day, celebrate our great ancestral voyage through motion by riding heese (the new and better plural for ‘horse’) and ATVs to experience how both of them succeed, and both of them fail at being the ideal mode of transport.

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We’re in Cow Bay again like stink on a finger. This is day four and the final one of our trip. Presently, George and David (George’s neighbor up here… did I mention that yet?) are framing some walls of one of the sheds. I was looking forward to heading home, until they decided to tuck that in before we left.

We erected a new trellis and filled it halfway, and another pre-existing one the rest of the way, with poles. Planting FINALLY began yesterday afternoon. We collected clippings and seedlings and placed them at the bottom of the poles. After a couple hours of busting asses in half, the sky started shitting down rain all of a sudden, putting a halt on our work right as I was shoveling another load of mulch into the wheel barrow. I became a sad, wet panda. Now I just want to get back to Cairns to check my email and post this monstrosity.

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March 16, 2008

Back in Cairns for about a week now. Boy shucks did I do some kind of number on my foot. The worst part about it is, I didn’t even get the pleasure of doing something stupid to get this way! I have no idea what happened, but my foot is puffy and creepy looking. I finally gave in to the pleas from those near me and visited a doctor yesterday. He prescribed some antibiotics. I made sure to get decent painkillers as well because the OTC crizap they’ve got in this country ain’t nothin’ compared to the horse tranquilizers handed out like candy in the US. I also got some x-rays taken earlier this afternoon to make sure I haven’t screwed up any of my bones. I may have to go back to the doctor if something turns up. If this crap keeps up, I’ll be looking into getting a temporary medicare card to handle some of the costs. So far, treatment hasn’t been too expensive anyway.

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Day 30

We’ve been in the Torres Straits for nearly a week by now. Confusion has once again rapt my brain. Word had it a few days ago that we were probably going to be staying in the Straits for the rest of the trip, meaning that my week of boat duty would transform into an early ticket back to Cairns, as I still don’t qualify to work in this area. Now I hear talk of heading back down the coast. Whether or not it’s for good or not, I don’t know. I may or may not be leaving the boat early.

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Day 23

Unload went just fine, except for the fact that we had to do it in Cairns. So instead of a nice relaxing unload and an evening in Cooktown, we were on a tight-ass schedule getting all the cray off and steaming back out straight away. At least we got a few days off on the boat while we were moving around.

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Day 6

Day six all up in the cray season. You should know that this is a job for men. Men with beards. Both on their face and their chest. You’re growing chest hair just by reading this. I hope that’s alright with you, because it’s happening.

Today was the manliest day of my life so far. But let’s first go over what events carried me to this time.

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Dear Kittens,

HAHAAAAA! You see that! “open water” is where I’m at! How many people have said that about Oceanic, Australia, Queensland, Cairns!? (At least one other guy by my math… but he’s a turd burglar who’s got his coming.) If you have no idea what I’m talking about, turn off the computer and go back to sleep. This is all a dream.

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I’m late again with this thing. Weeks pass like angry pedestrians around here. NEW THINGS:

Got back from Cow Bay a few days ago. Funny story, I thought the name was something exotic like “Cao Bay” or some junk like that. But no, it is “Cow Bay” - named for the cattle that used to roam there, I hear. Either way, I kept a log during my time that I spent there. Here it is:

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Alright peeps. This beotch is long overdue to drop. I’ll try my best to recall all events as they actually happened.

The story finds me walking the hazy lights of the Arlie Beach esplanade, having just captured the biggest great white shark in recorded history. All talk of the town was about me, but - being of my sedate nature - I played the trick off as a matter of fact, clicking along the street in a casually tailored polo shirt which hung loosely around my tanned and broad shoulders, a wisp of burly hair finding its way out from the top two buttons - which I’d left methodically undone - and leading to an unkempt jaw-line with a smirk painted gorgeously across it. I would give out shy winks to the local girls as I strolled wistfully by. They would answer with a wavering flush and a snap back to their appropriate company. Had he seen? She couldn’t be bothered to know as her thoughts were of me, and only me.

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Chili muffin surprise express tabulator! Captain Rapebeard reporting live from Australia!

But seriously, yesterday I got back from Fraser Island with excitement. And last night I typed up the previous entry about Noosa. Now it’s Fraser/Rainbow Beach’s turn. BRING ON THE NUTS!

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